I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
