Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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