I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
