the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
