Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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