I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
