I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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