You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
