I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
