??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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