I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Your penis caused this!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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