I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
