dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
