happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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