It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
