singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
