When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My pussy is not your playground.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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