yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
