butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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