His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
