hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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