NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
