Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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