you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
