I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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