how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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