There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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