I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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