This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
