party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
