I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
