you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
