You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
