Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
