I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
