my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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