feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
