I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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