She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
