The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
