How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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