What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
