Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
