Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't deserve a penis
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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