I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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