get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
