On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
