Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
