my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just invented taco cereal.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
