My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
