Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
